“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
There are seasons in my walk with Christ where singleness feels less like a gift and more like a weight. And when it gets too heavy, I’m left with no choice but to come to the cross with it. There Jesus shines light on the murky waters I’ve been swimming in. Together, we do some soul-searching and unearth the same lies that continue to creep in time and time again. I painstakingly trade again that which is earthly for what rust and moth can’t touch, sometimes with a heart that cries “I believe, help my unbelief!” I sit at His feet as long as it takes for the fog to clear so that Jesus is my focus once again. Consider this post a personal pep talk for times such as these- a sieve to cleanse the cloudy water.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
“I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.” 1 Corinthians 7:26-28
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32
Marriage as a status is not an upgrade in God’s Kingdom, it’s a lateral move from one gifting into another. It’s a season granted when God sees it as more fitting, more pertinent to your growth and the furthering of His kingdom. That being said, why is its prospect generally so much more appealing than flying solo? What draws us into romantic storylines and forever promises?
Biology aside, I believe it’s because the Gospel is compelling, and marriage reflects that. God designed us with the ability to be in awe of intimacy and sacrificial love. We may spend and squander that awe on lesser things, but that doesn’t subtract from the value of the original purpose of marriage, nor the real reasons we are captivated by it in the first place. As believers, we have the ability to orient our hearts to the tune of the Gospel. We can remain fascinated by earthly marriage and even desirous of it. But in the fascination, we are in a posture to reflect and revel in the deeper, purer devotion of our Savior to His bride. It needs to be more about what is already ours for eternity than what could temporarily be granted for an earth-life.
On the Sovereignty of God:
“What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:11-13
God only ever withholds what isn’t best for us. He who orders the universe doesn’t just care about your story but how that story fits into the bigger picture. His primary targets are His glory on display and working things together for your good. In His perceptive abilities, He sees when the things we ask for are scorpions and serpents in disguise. In this truth, we find trust and surrender to the faithfulness of our good Father.
“Whatever is TRUE….Think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Emotions won’t always lead you to what’s best. It’s often quite the opposite. When emotions meet God’s will, it can be really powerful, but don’t feed emotions not yet based in truth.
On my Death Date:
“Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!” Psalm 39:5
Life is SO short. And emotions aside, the only reason to give up singleness is if it will help build God’s Kingdom better. At the end of my life, I don’t want to look back and see a nice earthly kingdom crumbling in the wake of my death, no matter how much romance and adventure it afforded. As a woman called to ministry, I become more convinced that the only solid reason to give up what I’m able to do as a single lady is if it’s traded for supporting and toiling alongside a brother in Christ entrusted very specifically with his Father’s Kingdom work.
“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34
Can I handle being single for the rest of my life? Heavens, no! Can I handle the possibility of being Miss Windham for another decade? Probably not. How about a year? I’d rather not. But what does God require us to steward? Just today. Can I be single up until my head hits the pillow tonight? Certainly. God owns tomorrow and portions me today. I choose not to dwell too much on the “what ifs” and instead focus on today’s allotment of “what nows”.
I’ll leave you with a final thought. The road we chose is narrow. The path we walk requires daily taking up a cross. The Savior who leads us asks us to deny ourselves as we follow. We counted the cost and went all in. And what do we get in return? We get life. We get Jesus. It’s well worth it.
“I think I can’t
But I think You can
I think You can
Gather my insufficienies and
place them in your hands”